


phantom pains

by transbuck



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, amputee buck, spoilers for 2x18 in the notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-03-05 06:57:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18823459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transbuck/pseuds/transbuck
Summary: If there's one thing Buck's learned since losing his leg, it's that phantom pains are a bitch.





	phantom pains

**Author's Note:**

> me: lol what if buck gets his leg crushed under the truck in the season finale  
> buck: gets his leg crushed under the truck in the season finale  
> me: perhaps im boo boo the fool  
> anyway. ive been wanting to write this fic since i first came up with the idea of amputee!buck. im writing this right after watching the season finale and maybe im soft and want more soft buddie scenes, sue me  
> as usual, find me on tumblr @diazbuckley, come sob to me about tonights episode

If there's one thing Buck's learned since losing his leg, it's that phantom pains are a bitch. They're not common occurrences, thank God, and when he does get bouts of soreness in a limb that's no longer there, it's usually pretty manageable. Yeah, it sucks, but he gets through it. There are some occasions where the pain is so awful that he can't help but burst into tears. Those are far less common, though, which Buck is grateful for.

Most of the time, the pain sneaks up on him in the middle of the night. He'll suddenly wake to pain in a leg that doesn't exist anymore and be forced to either hop one-legged or hobble on his crutches to the bathroom in order to find some painkillers because he refuses to put his prosthetic on in the middle of the night. Before moving in with Eddie, that act was a bit of a humongous chore. After they moved in together, though, Eddie, bless his heart, began wordlessly rushing off to grab some aspirin to save Buck the trouble as soon as he found out about the source of the pain.

One night, Buck wakes up to a particularly intense pressure in his missing leg. Nowhere near as bad as it had been a couple weeks ago, when he had woken up crying because it had been too much, but still pretty awful. He groans as he sits up, not completely with it enough to wake Eddie up himself. Thankfully, Eddie's a pretty light sleeper and wakes up by himself when Buck sits up and shifts to sit at the edge of the bed, his hands on his stump, trying to massage away the pain that he knows deep down he won't be able to reach. Wordlessly, Eddie presses a kiss to the back of Buck's shoulder before getting out of bed and rushing out of the room.

Buck has no idea how long he's been sitting there before Eddie's returning kneeling down on the bed at his side and handing him some aspirin and a glass of water. Buck takes the items with a grateful hum, downs the pills and chugs some water before setting the glass on his bedside table. "Is it bad?" Eddie asks quietly after a moment.

"Kind of," Buck replies, still massaging just below his knee. "Not awful, but. Definitely not the most bearable."

Eddie hums a little at that, reaches over and lets his hands hover over Buck's. "Can I—?"

That's one of the things Buck appreciates so much about Eddie. He's always so cautious around his leg, or lack thereof. It had taken Buck a little while to be ready to let Eddie see the gnarly scar that he has in place of a leg, but Eddie had been endlessly patient with him. The day Buck was finally ready, Eddie had just gasped and gently kissed the scar, told Buck quietly how brave he was.  _Is_. And Eddie's always so careful with his leg still. Always asks before he looks or touches. Buck's grateful for that. "Yeah, go ahead," he finally says, turning his body so he can rest his leg in Eddie's lap.

Eddie's hands replace Buck's on his leg, gently massaging him and helping alleviate some of the pressure. It still feels awful, but with the painkillers combined with Eddie's strong yet gentle hands, Buck feels pretty decent now. "How's this?"

"Mmm. Good," Buck says, letting his eyes fall shut. "Thanks."

"Of course, my love," Eddie whispers.

They fall into a comfortable quiet at that, Eddie continuing to massage Buck while Buck lets out a steady stream of hums and pleased sighs. Finally, Eddie breaks the quiet with a careful, almost hesitant question. "D'you ever miss it?"

That takes Buck aback a little. He opens his eyes, arches an eyebrow. "What? My leg?"

"Mhm."

"Of course," Buck says with a slight shrug. "Miss it everyday. Miss not having to rely on a hunk of plastic just so I can walk. Miss being able to get up and go to the bathroom in the middle of the night with minimal effort. And I certainly miss being a firefighter." Buck pauses and sniffles a little. He can feel Eddie's gaze on him, but he decides to ignore it. His heart aches, not being able to do his favorite job any more, but it's been a couple years since he was forced to leave the 118, and it gets easier every single day. Besides, it's not like he doesn't see everyone at the station anymore. He visits Eddie at work every once in a while, and they've kept up the tradition of having family dinners outside of the station. But he misses being part of the action. He misses running into burning buildings by his favorite person's side. But, since losing his leg, he's gotten a job at the call center with Maddie, and he's slowly getting better and better at it. It's not his passion, but he's learning to love it. "But I don't miss it as much as I used to."

"Yeah?" Eddie smiles at him. "Why's that?"

"'Cause I'm really happy right now," Buck says with a grin. "I coulda lost both of my legs, and I'd still manage to be happy, 'cause I've got you."

Eddie laughs quietly at that, one hand reaching up to gently cup Buck's cheek. He leans in, whispers, "Dork," so close to Buck's face that their lips just barely brush against each other.

"Yeah, you love me," Buck murmurs before closing the minuscule gap between them.

Their lips move languidly together for a good long while before Eddie finally pulls away, rests his forehead again Buck's. "Yeah. Maybe I'm in love with you or something."

"Maybe I'm in love with you or something, too," Buck says, laughing quietly as he leans forward to steal a quick kiss from Eddie.

Eddie grins, runs his hand through Buck's hair. "You think you're ready to try and get some sleep, lovely?"

"Mm, yeah, I think so. Still hurts, but it'll get better soon," Buck murmurs, brushing his nose against Eddie's before Eddie pulls away fully. Eddie reaches over to pull the covers out of the way, keeping Buck's leg in his lap. He pats Buck's knee before crawling back into his spot in the bed, Buck following suit. He gets settled in with a deep, pleased sigh, humming happily when Eddie pulls the blankets over them and wraps his arms around Buck's waist. "G'night, baby."

Eddie hums a little, pressing a kiss to the back of Buck's hair. "Goodnight, my love. Try to get some rest, okay? I love you."

"Love you, too." As a bit of an afterthought, Buck adds a quiet, "Thanks."

"For what?"

"For being the best boyfriend I could've had."

Eddie laughs quietly at that. "You make it easy," he replies, pulling a laugh out of Buck. "Now get some rest, lovely."

"You, too. You got a shift tomorrow," Buck reminds gently. The groan Eddie lets out at that makes Buck laugh.

"Don't wanna think about it," Eddie murmurs, voice a little slurred—he's about to conk out, Buck can tell.

"Yeah, I know. Me neither. I'll be lonely tomorrow."

"Mm, yeah," Eddie mumbles slowly, and only moments later, Buck feels Eddie's breathing even out. Buck chuckles lowly as he lets himself settle into the mattress a little deeper. The loss of his leg has been difficult, that's for sure, but he's glad to have such a wonderful man by his side throughout it all.


End file.
